We all know that to hold a grudge is tremendously destructive. It robs you of your peace of mind, makes you sick, and prevents you from looking for a true solution to your problems. In spite of the harm it does, it is VERY hard to get rid of grudge. The illusion that you are punishing the other party or that you not defeated is too enticing to simply get rid of it.

Is there some way, though, to make it easier to get rid of it and to go back to living a healthy and happy life?

Abraham Lincoln gives the following advice: write a letter to the other party that contains all of your complaints. Don't write only a rough draft but proofread it until it is fit to be sent. After that, put it in an envelope, address it, and then stash it away in a drawer forever! A variation of this (if you are scared that it might be found); mail the letter to some far away place without a return address on the envelope!

If that doesn't work then another way to get rid of a grudge is to determine if your grudge is really logically or not. Ask yourself:

*Is my grudge based on a fact or MY own interpretation of what happened? If your fellow worker, spouse, or girlfriend doesn't pick up the phone it doesn't necessarily mean that they are intentionally ignoring you. The ringer might be on silent, the phone might be far away from them, or they might have been so engrossed in what they were doing that they simply didn't hear it.

*Are my feelings based on something that has already happened or what I think WILL happen? A lot of our grudges are based on a painful or unwanted outcome from something that someone said or did. Therefore, make sure that they really harmed you and not that you MIGHT be harmed in the future. Remember, a coworker who makes fun of you in front of your boss doesn't mean that the boss thinks that you are stupid and will fire you. On the contrary, he might see your ability to control your emotions and he will respect you.

*Was this a one-time slip-up or something constant? Joanne scheduled a dinner on the night that Mark, her husband, had an important meeting that he told her about a few days earlier. His initial thought was that she doesn't care about his career. After speaking his feelings over with me he remembered how she helps him with his work and he then came to the conclusion that she had no malicious intent but simply forgot.

One last important word. You can't expect your hurt to immediately disappear. It could take a few hours, days, or even weeks; depending on how deep the hurt was. Keep on ACTIVELY getting rid of grudges and you will eventually succeed. You will be happy that you did!

You want to learn tips, insights, and tools on how to become a better husband, father, and person. Right? Click (Snippets from) The Guide on How to Become a G.R.E.A.T. FamilyMan http://www.greatfamilyman.com/spebgfm.html."

Shevach Pepper is the happy father of 12 children. To learn more about him; visit Shevach's biography - http://www.greatfamilyman.com/bio.php.