In a classic movie from The Golden Age of Hollywood, The Best Years of Our Lives, Myrna Loy tells her daughter, Teresa Wright, that during the course of a long marriage, you have to make yourself fall back in love with your mate, over and again.

Its a poignant moment, to be sure, and the message is an unusual, but insightful one.

Affection takes energy and focus, and positive feelings generally dont burn brightly unless were willing to periodically increase the wattage or fix the wiring.

What applies to loving someone also applies to the less intense emotion of liking someone.

Sometimes it takes effort, but generally, its worth it.

When we show we like someone else, it comes back to us. They find a way to like us, because they like being liked.

This is one of the great insights into growing your personal popularity, whether youre a high school sophomore or a candidate for political office.

Simply put, if you want to be liked, like them first.

This also applies to being a popular speaker before seminars or groups of any kind. If you want their approval and positive word of mouth advertising, find ways to send them the signal that you like them.

Here are five ways of doing it:

(1) Smile, especially at the beginning of your talk. This can be difficult if youre nervous, but its necessary, even if you have to crank up those lips, mechanically!

(2) Tell pertinent, but fun stories, and position them as gifts. By saying, I think youre going to like this one, youre saying that youre customizing your talk to them and that they stand out in your mind as a unique group.

(3) Compliment them, directly. Some of the groups I train are very, very sharp, and I tell them. You know, its a pleasure working with a group this smart because we can cover so much ground, so quickly!

(4) Before a break, say, I hate to cut off this great discussion but lets take our break and get back to this in 15 minutes. This gives them ownership of the session and theyre going to like what they build more than something thats built entirely for them.

(5) Tell them theyve been a great group (if you believe it!) before the evaluations are done. Remind them of all of the material that you covered together, and the special insights THEY GAVE YOU.

While youre at it you can say YOU had a great time, again, if its sincere.

I qualify this because if its apparent that the class was rough on you, or markedly difficult, you dont want to say it was fun.

You might point out that the material was challenging, the discussions stimulating and at times pointed, but in the long run everyone benefited.

And you can commend them for their perseverance, if nothing else.

Whatever you do, find a silver lining and end on the most positive note possible.

The message they should get is: Tough or easy as a group, you still liked them.

For having said that, they just may fall in love with you again!

Dr. Gary S. Goodman
www.customersatisfaction.com