Many of us learned from our parents that it is proper in a variety of situations to compose a handwritten note of thanks, as when you receive a gift. The expectation for composing a well-written thank you note is not as complicated as some found it to be as children. The pressure of wanting to please our parents by executing the perfect note of thanks they could be proud of us for, only intensified the intimidation of the process of writing it. Keeping a few simple rules in mind should help you to feel more confident about how and when to write thank you notes.

First, bear in mind that time is of the essence to uphold polite rules of conduct when writing a thank you note. This is a simple but important rule to remember. You should write the note as soon as possible after having received the gift or hospitality. There are several reasons why this is expected. It demonstrates that you have a great deal of respect and gratitude towards the person or persons who were thoughtful enough to have given you a gift or invited you over for dinner. It is also a good idea to express your thanks quickly so that you do not simply forget to do it, because other things tend to crop up. Wait too long, and the people you are thanking may not even remember what they gifted to you and why.

Following proper etiquette when writing a thank you note also means remembering to include a description of the gift you received in your note. Naming the gift and perhaps even telling them how you intend to use the gift, lets them know that you truly like and appreciate the gift they have given you. We all feel good to know that a gift we have chosen to give is liked and will be useful to the person we gave it to.

Another tip for writing a thank you note is taking the time to craft individualized words of gratitude as opposed to using those store bought cards without adding your own personal "thanks" to them. After all, the person you are thanking had to spend at least a few minutes of their valuable time in choosing this gift for you. You should spend an equal amount of time expressing your appreciation.

Some people still have the impression that stationery is an expense beyond their current budget. While some brands or manufacturers have price tags to make your eyeballs pop, quality stationery is available for an affordable price. In fact, some online stationery sites even offer complete personalized imprinting for only a few cents more than the un-personalized boxed sets you buy at the local big box retailer. The use of personalized stationery is not mandatory, although you are certainly encouraged to use it if you have it. However, when sending thank you notes for wedding gifts, more formal paper such as stationery personalized with your name or monogrammed initials is generally preferred.

Instances in which a thank you note is absolutely necessary are as follows:

To someone who holds a celebration in your honor.
To the homeowners who opened their door to you for a vacation or other stay.
To everyone who has given you a birthday, graduation, bridal, baby, or wedding gift.
To those that sent a gift to you during your hospitalization.
To those who sent you cards, messages, and gifts of condolences during a time of loss.
To your boss after he or she hosts a company party that you attend.
For gifts that arrive through the mail.

There are instances that a thank you note is not mandatory, but they sure do make a classy impression worth considering anyway. These instances are as follows:

To the host who prepared a dinner you enjoyed, or to the one who paid the dinner bill for the whole party at a restaurant.
As an unexpected follow up "thank you" to someone who has given you a gift in person and that you thanked them for at the time.
When a friend or neighbor does something nice for you or gives you a small gift for no special reason.
To get an edge on other recruits applying for the job you want by sending one to the person who interviewed you for the position.
Just to thank someone you love and care about for their presence and importance in your life.

All in all, the most important tip to remember about writing thank you notes is to remember to write them in the first place. You do not need to graduate from Emily Posts finishing school to demonstrate proper etiquette. Sometimes a little common sense (and a few of those things your mother taught you!) really can go a long way.

Rachel Jackson is a freelance writer who writes about etiquette and writing, often focusing on specific materials used in writing such as stationery. http://www.americanstationery.com/