Challenging conversations, confrontations, difficult people - all these things keep us awake at night. That is because self-confidence during delicate moments with family and friends is sometimes hard to find. At work, it is often challenging to stand up for oneself.

Do you sometimes think "it cannot be done" when you want to have a talk with your mother? Do you struggle to find the right words to explain something important to your father? Instead of getting along, do you end up in a screaming match with your brother?

At work, do you feel anxious about approaching your manager? Do you know what that feels like: being nervous to walk up to a colleague, especially a more senior one? What do you do then? Do you end up doing nothing? Are you just too tongue-tied? Do you feel your palms go all sweaty? Your heart racing? Is it too much? Do you think: "better let it go"?

If at least some of this resonates with you, let me share with you a simple 3-step model:

1. Listen

2. Say What You Think

3. Say What You Want

First Step: Listen

This is actually the hardest step. And that is because when we approach someone with something on our mind, our head is so full of what we want to say that we are usually incapable of paying attention to what they are saying.

But think about it: if someone walked up to you and launched without preamble into a speech, how would you react? Would you give then your full attention? Or, rather, would you be talking to yourself in your mind, saying something like: "what is going on here? Why is this person talking to me like this?" You would most likely be completely distracted. So my point is: you need to engage the person before you launch into your spiel because if you do not listen, neither will they!

And do not pretend to listen. When we pretend, we are not really there. So do not have your mouth saying "Hi Paul, how are you doing today?" when, in your head, you are really screaming: "Shut up! Let me speak! I have this thing I want to tell you!" Really pay attention.

Ask them if this is the right time to talk to them. Ask them a question about the topic you want to broach - so you get a sense of how they are feeling about it, what their views are.

Listening will do three things for you: first, it will build rapport because the person will sense that you are really listening to them and, according to the Law of Reciprocity, they are very likely to respond - by, in turn, listening to you.

The second thing listening will do for you is give you a tactical advantage because it will give you an angle from which to launch into your topic. So it will come out more smoothly, with the ground already laid out and it will help the conversation get off to a good start because what you talk about will be relevant - since you introduced the topic by listening!

And the third thing listening will do for you: it will calm you down. We often get very uncomfortable ahead of delicate conversations. Well, listening will help you feel you less nervous. Because if you really listen, it will take the focus away from you and this will naturally help you relax by distracting you away from the unpleasant physical sensations you would otherwise be obsessing about.

Second Step: Say What You Think

All right, this is your moment. And if you did well at step one, the stage is well set for you to have your say. Two things I want to share with you about step two. First, you need a link from step one. This might seem obvious but my experience is that many people botch the link: they just jump. And they ruin all the good work in step one! Tragic! If your audience seems to share your views, say something like: "I agree and I was just thinking..." or "I can see that we're on the same page, and we could...?" On the contrary, if they seem to have a different point of view, then something like: "On the other hand, another way to look at this could be..." This will make for a smooth transition.

The other element to be successful in step two is to stick to the KISS principle: some translate KISS as 'Keep It Simple, Stupid'. I rather like 'Keep it Short and Simple'. Do not drown your audience in a sea of details because they will lose both the plot and the will to live! So prepare and identify your one - at most two core messages (if you have more, you need more than one conversation) - and focus on that: say what it is and DO NOT FORGET to say why. Give a reason for what you think.

Step Three: Say What You Want

It is crucial that you say what you want to happen. Again, in my experience, people do not do so well there. They get through step one and set the stage nicely, then they say their piece but... they do not close! 'Close' is sales jargon for when you actually make a sale. Well, you need to close even when you are not selling. Because in fact you are selling - your idea, your wish.

A story which comes to my mind to explain to you what I mean is one of a young man who had great potential but was rather withdrawn. He went into his manager's office, established rapport, discussed the upcoming promotion round, discussed the promotion criteria and nicely explained what he was up to and why he thought he deserved to be promoted. As he's saying his piece, the manager is nodding. All is going well. But: the young man left his manager's office without saying something like: "Thank you for the chat. This was very informative. Would you kindly confirm that I have your backing for my promotion and that I may I count on your support with the promotion committee?" Now let me reassure you: he got the promotion. But he fretted no end because he had not asked for what he wanted and was therefore left unsure about what his manager would do.

So what do you think about the 3-step model? Go on, have a go. I hope this simple model will help you handle more of those delicate situations and challenging conversations with self-confidence.

Alexandra works with ambitious and high-performing professionals in the financial services sector who are ready to accelerate their career.

As a Career Accelerator, Alexandra helps Directors/VPs, Executive Directors/SVPs, and MDs obtain the promotion they deserve, orchestrate an in-house move to a different group, succeed fast in a new role as well as get clear about their next job and how to find it.

Alexandra will share with you stories and insights from her gratifying but eventful 23-year career in banking, from Paris to the City of London via New York's Wall Street which you can use to accelerate your career!

Don't wait: check out Alexandra's free career acceleration tips at http://www.coachingforinspiration.com/career-tips/