These habits of thinking are very frequent errors that people make talking to themselves. Thinking this way ruins your confidence, perhaps without your realizing it. It usually takes some practice to apply the "cure", but the resulting increase in confidence is completely worth the effort.

1. Discount your successes and achievements. A friend once told me, "As soon as I reach my goal, it doesn't count anymore," so he ignored one of the major building blocks of confidence.

Remedy: Acknowledge and count your small daily successes and give yourself credit. A legitimate pat on the back won't give you a big head and it will build confidence.

2. Reinforce your flaws, inadequacies and shortcomings with frequent affirmations. Keep telling yourself that:

I can't do that,

I never can do that,

I always make that mistake,

I'm such an idiot.

What you focus on expands and keeps you stuck without the confidence to move forward.

Remedy: Either accept your inadequacies or choose to develop the character trait or the skill you would like to have. If you can't do something that you need to do, get a teacher, read a book, hire a consultant. Learning always improves confidence.

3. Believe you have to be perfect or your achievements have to be perfect. This is a confidence killer. Nobody is perfect and everybody makes mistakes. "Perfection" is only possible when a team works together to back each other up to catch the mistakes and rectify them.

Remedy: Give yourself permission to make mistakes, learn from them and do better the next time. Even Phil Mickelson has his bad days on the golf course.

4. Ignore your body's need for enough sleep. Research clearly demonstrates that even a few days of sleep shortages causes the amygdala, a structure deep in your brain that regulate moods and emotions, to go into overdrive with fear and anxiety. Confidence vanishes as fatigue sets in.

Remedy: Get off of Facebook, quit the video games, turn off the TV, and go to sleep. If you can't turn off the TV, select a soothing station and set the timer for the TV to shut off automatically.

5. Never admit you are wrong and never apologize. People who do this are very small inside and feel very, very insecure. They are doomed to repeat their mistakes and fear doing so. What confidence can they possibly have?

Remedy: Decide to be a "bigger" person, learn to take responsibility for your mistakes and learn to apologize. Responsibility is not blame. It is the ability or the power to right the wrong. Paradoxically, your confidence in yourself will expand and your insecurity will diminish.

Confidence Tip: EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique is a very effective method for quickly changing mental patterns that sabotage your confidence.

Visit http://BeConfidentToday.com/ to cultivate confidence with guided imagery, EMDR, EFT, articles, and consultations with Lynn Kennedy Baxter, BSN, MA., High Performance Coach and Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist. Take the first step now, because confidence is your choice and you can have it.
© 2011 Lynn Kennedy Baxter, BSN, MA