I think one of the most difficult things most of us need to learn is how to forgive a wrong suffered. And even more than that, how to forgive one's own self for some wrong we've inflicted on another.

The reason forgiving is so important is because letting go of anger releases us and frees our energies up for more productive, happier experiences. The same is true concerning any guilt one is harboring.

Anger and guilt are two emotions that you do not want to drag around. They eat up a lot of energy and pull you down. Overall, they cause much unhappiness, alcoholism or drug dependency, misery, defeat, and even sickness.

If you are angry at someone for a wrong done, and hold on to that anger for a substantial period of time, it is going to wreck you in some fashion. It won't hurt the person who is the object of your anger. Their life goes right on, unaware of your feelings. They may well be having a grand old time while you're struggling under the burden of anger. And quite a burden it can be!

The same is true regarding the guilt one suffers after having committed some wrong against another person. Guilt causes untold misery over a lifetime, and frequently results in alcohol or drug dependency. Besides that, it never, ever lets go of its grip as long as you are flagellating yourself with this stinging emotion.

So how do we let go of anger and guilt? A tough question with no easy answer.

Before going any further, I want to say that in forgiving someone for a wrong inflicted, you are not forgiving the wrong itself, but are only letting go of the anger against that person. The act committed may never be something you want to re-live again, but neither should you hold on to anger.

You understand that s/he acted out of ignorance or selfishness or thoughtfulness or jealousy, or perhaps some other human weakness. You understand that to be human is to be imperfect. The same holds true for you, too, when you've hurt someone else. Not one of us is perfect.

Oh, sure, you can justify your guilt or anger by saying you or they should have known better. But, as the old expression goes, "should haves" don't count. We all trip over a gazillion 'should haves' or 'could haves' or 'would haves' during our lifetime. There is no such thing as the perfect person who never makes a misstep. It has nothing to do with intelligence, but with the human condition, which is a flawed one.

If you are suffering under the weight of guilt, that can often be relieved by going back to the person harmed and asking for forgiveness. You will usually find that doing so elicits a generous response and washes away any bad feelings between the two of you. Asking for forgiveness face-to-face releases guilt's grip on the conscience like nothing else can.

But what if you can't go back and ask for forgiveness for some reason? Then you need to learn to forgive yourself. For one thing, doing so automatically makes it easier to forgive others, because when we first practice compassion on our selves, it just follows that we project that on to others as well.

How do you forgive yourself? By simply admitting that you did a wrong; that you know better at this time; and that you were ignorant or thoughtless before. Also, that you have learned something about yourself of vital importance, and that is that you were once foolish and immature. "When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child, but when I became a man, I put childish ways behind me." So it is stated in 1st Corinthians 13 of the New Testament.

You have seen the light, so to speak, and could never go back and be that selfish, immature person again. Once you have looked this darker side of your nature square in the eye, any desire to commit such harm will have evaporated.

I understand that some wrongs done to people can be very difficult to forgive, such as for the victims of Hitler's holocaust or in the killing fields of Cambodia. And yet, unless the surviving victims can find a way of forgiving, the blood baths continually live on in their minds, causing endless misery for years afterward.

For sure, the challenge is huge, and yet at the same these victims are only one thought away from releasing their anger and inviting a much better, happier future into their experience.

Sandra L. Lerner has written several articles that have been published on the Internet, and is the author of Connecting with Your Guardian Angel.
See http://www.connectingwithyourguardianangel.com.