Everyone at some point of time has experienced low self esteem. It may have been due to a specific circumstance where you were surrounded by people that you felt were superior to you, or you compared yourself to others. You may have been repeatedly told negative things about yourself growing up and during your adulthood. For many people, low self-esteem is something that comes and goes but for others, low self-esteem is a constant agonizing battle.

Characteristics of low self-esteem are:

* A negative outlook
* Jealousy of others' accomplishments
* Often plays the victim/martyr role
* Must highlight flaws in other people to validate one's self
* Feelings of insecurity
* Lack of motivation and drive
* Feelings of worthlessness
* Allows other people to run over or dominate you
* Is a people pleaser
* Constantly compares one's self to other people
* Negative thoughts and words

Often times people will credit their self-esteem to people that have played a positive or negative role in their lives. Other people have an effect on our self-esteem but in reality, self-esteem means to esteem one's self. How you feel about yourself comes from within. So for those of you that are currently experiencing the characteristics listed above, you have the ability to change the negative outlook you have about yourself and your life.

Positive Affirmations

Low self-esteem is usually caused by the negative things we tell ourselves. It doesn't matter if these things are true or false. Whatever we tell ourselves the most is what we start to believe. Many people have received negative feedback about themselves starting from childhood. When negative words are spoken to us often enough we believe it and start to confirm it in our behavior and our words to ourselves.

For example, if Janet is constantly told that she will never amount to anything as a child, eventually she will believe it, confirm it by telling herself that she is worthless, and live up to the low expectations she and others have set for her. On the other hand, if Janet begins to remind herself of the small things she has accomplished in life, such as graduating from high school, and getting accepted to the local community college, she is disproving the lie that she cannot accomplish her goals. Despite what is going on in your life, I always encourage people to make a grateful list to remind them of everything that is going right. Then I have people write 5 positive affirmations about themselves. A positive affirmation can simply be a compliment such as: I am beautiful or, I am worthy of respect. A positive affirmation can also be self encouragement to improve in an area such as: Today I am becoming more organized and focused.

Just as we tend to believe the negative words spoken over us, we can determine to speak positive things into our own life until we start to believe it, and begin to act on it. Acting on your positive affirmation is even more important than speaking it. It is one thing to say, "I am beautiful" but it is more effective to place personal time and care into looking your best. Therefore, I suggest you affirm yourself in a way that motivates you to take action as well.

Setting Obtainable Goals

Another way of lifting self-esteem is setting obtainable goals and reaching them. No matter where you are in life or what you do, everyone should be setting short and long term goals that are realistic. Feeling a sense of achievement encourages motivation and a sense of pride. Achieving your goals also allows you to see the proof of your ability and encourages you to continue with goal setting.

Goals can start as something very small such as: I plan on arriving at work 10 minutes early, at least three days this week. Upon you reaching this small goal, you will feel accomplished and responsible even though this may seem to be small. Once you have accomplished a goal, it is important to celebrate yourself. Remember, self-esteem is about esteeming yourself. Your accomplishments are not for the purpose of making others feel inferior or state that you have worth because you have accomplished them. They are simply a way to prove to YOU that you have the ability to start and finish a task, and therefore can continue to pursue other avenues of life confidently.

Respecting Yourself

People that suffer from low self-esteem often struggle to respect themselves and others. They tend to find it difficult to set boundaries because often times, they lack a sense of self worth. When a person does not feel good about themselves they usually do one of two things. They either go out of their way to make everybody like them or they sabotage the chance of anyone possibly liking them, because they feel they are not good enough to receive friendship or love.

What we think about ourselves is projected out to those who encounter us. If I feel successful and valuable, most likely others will pick up on that positive energy and be drawn to me. However, if I feel unattractive and lonely, people will pick up on that as well. Setting boundaries for yourself and establishing standards for how you treat yourself and allow others to treat you has an effect on your self-esteem.

If I allow someone to speak down to me and disrespect me without assertively correcting them, I may possibly feel badly about myself later. However, if I carry myself in a manner to demand respect and I treat people with dignity and respect, I am telling myself and the world that I deserve to be treated well. You can practice how you carry yourself even if you don't believe you are worth it yet. I call this, the fake it till you make it technique. Think about it, we all do it. If you are nervous before a job interview, you square your shoulders, make good eye contact, and have a firm hand shake even though you are screaming on the inside. Well you can do the same thing in everyday life. In other words, never let them see you sweat. If you continue to carry yourself in a confident manner that demands respect, eventually you will sell yourself on the idea and start to believe it yourself. I challenge you to start respecting yourself today and see if others don't catch on.

High self- esteem is something that is created by the person that possesses it. We have more control of our lives than we often give ourselves credit. Positive affirmations, setting obtainable goals, and respecting ourselves are three ways we can overcome negative self-esteem. I encourage you to start implementing these steps in your life today and speak, achieve, and practice your way into a new you.

About The Author:

Tanika Forestal who is an online relationship expert has experience in coaching couples and individuals as they face life challenges either by phone or face-to-face. If you're interested in online marriage counseling, Individual counseling, or self improvement coaching visit my Online Life Coach http://www.provisionfamilycounseling.com/ web page for a free video course.