Why try sleeping with a broken heart when you can just get over it...But how do you?

Well the first thing you should know is that getting over it isn't easy, it's not suppose to be, was never meant to be. So I'm not giving you the formula to get over it with ease, I'm giving you the formula to get over it properly.

Typically, what most people use to get over a broken heart is finding someone or something else that offers false comfort. They seem like they're working but they're merely quick fixes, here today gone tomorrow...literally. So before you know it you are right back where you started, maybe even worse than before.

Before I get into what to do to properly get over a broken heart, I'm going to tell you what NOT to do:

1. Immediately finding someone else to get in a relationship with; which is the same as finding a companion to fill the void
2. Trying to convince yourself that everything is okay and the person wasn't that big a deal anyway
3. Trying to get back at the person by hurting them for hurting you
4. Grieving for too long
5. Trying to strategize your way back into the person's life

Now to elaborate: Finding someone else immediately after to fill a void won't help and is unfair to the other person, because no matter what happens your feelings are still tied and attached to your ex. Additionally, with any relationship once you go in there for the wrong reason(s) it will inevitably fail. No matter how good you think it's going, it's going to fail. You need time for yourself to get over it and to loosen any past baggage you may be carrying around.

Trying to convince yourself otherwise is the worst thing ever...it's called DENIAL. The only thing worse than grieving over the pain is not accepting that there is pain in the first place. If you think there is nothing wrong, or convince yourself that there is nothing wrong, then you won't be able to put yourself in a position to make it right. As the saying goes "If it aint broke don't fix it", well if you don't know that it's broken then how will you know that it needs to be fixed? Furthermore, if it isn't fixed, it will slowly eat at you from the inside out, until you wake up one day bitter and angry, and you don't even know why...it's a psychological thing.

The next point is pretty straightforward. Nothing can be gained from hurting someone else because they hurt you; that will only lead to further heartache on your part for you. As the saying goes "What goes around comes around". It's best to move on, let go of the hurt, forgive and look towards the future, there's always better there.

Grieving is necessary, but it should never be overextended. Grieve for the time that you NEED to, not the time you WANT to. At some point once you've grieved it's time to brush yourself off and move on with your life.

Finally, trying to get your way back into the person's life. Look, if the relationship didn't work out, it didn't work out for a reason, if God took you out of it, He took you out of it for a reason. This may be the time you need to truly grow as a person, to spread your wings and become a more beautiful person, who knows, maybe being with your ex was just holding you back from your true potential and growth.

With that being said...

Let's get straight into it: getting over that broken heart. As with anything in life it's a process, and as with any process it takes time, and needs to be done in stages and steps. You can't skip one step to get to another, you can't rush it, it has to happen in its own time, and finally you have to complete one step before you get to the other. So here we go:

1. Be angry- it's okay to be angry, you're only human after all; it's okay to feel anger and hatred towards the person because they did hurt you, so it's natural; where the line is to be drawn is when you begin contemplating hurting back the person...that's a no no no. So be angry, let it all out, but keep from the 'eye for an eye' principle.

2. Be sad- once you've been angry the next step that will follow is that you will begin to feel sad, this is probably the stage that you need to be strongest for many reasons; you have to be strong to take you through this period and to keep from going back; this is the time you have to cry out every part of your soul until you feel like there's nothing left, and it's okay, it's not seen as weak, only human; many people don't realize crying is a form of inner, spiritual healing, sometimes we just need to cry and cleanse the soul. During this period it's best to do things that you enjoy like spending time with friends or doing a hobby you are passionate about to help you to get through; it may take awhile but you'll get there eventually

3. Bounce back- this is a good time, a great time, this is the time I call "me time"; this is the time where you're not angry anymore or grieving anymore, it's just all about Y-O-U; but be careful; this is also the time where many become entrapped again without realizing it. It could be your ex has begun resurfacing and is trying to get back into your life, but you can't afford that, we're moving forward; if you both were meant to be together it will happen naturally so don't force it. The ex is easy, the real challenge is when someone unsuspecting comes along into your life before you have time to fully recover; the ending of grief doesn't mean time to start a new relationship, this is a time of reflection, a time of growth, this is the time you need to stop and ask yourself, "What do I want", "What do I need", "How can I move forward from where I am now and become a better person"...this is the time of reflection and you...NOTHING ELSE

Once you've done that and you have discovered what you want, who you are and what you want out of life, not just a relationship, then you will be mentally and emotionally prepared to get back into another relationship.

Too many people see bad breakups as a horror. However, once you begin to realize that bad breakups are merely mistakes that one should learn from in order to not make the same mistakes again, or to better learn how to deal with future heartbreaks (should it happen), then you begin to realize that breakups aren't so horrible, just another one of life's experiences to teach you an invaluable lesson, to groom you to your full potential as a beautiful person.

Winston A. Henderson is a Personal Development Enthusiast, Marketing Enthusiast, Creative and Article Writer, Poet, aspiring Entrepreneur and most importantly Philanthropist.

His newly created charity organization Jamaica Reformation Project (J-ReP) focuses on enabling people to become better persons and live better lives through personal, social, and economic development. The organization has done work to raise awareness about HIV/STI in Colleges in Jamaica, and also raise funds for homes that house children with mental disabilities.

Visit his blog at: http://yourjrep.blogspot.com or find J-ReP on Facebook (search Jamaica Reformation Project) or on Twitter @J_ReP