So I was emailing with one of my friends on email the other day. I hate to say "mentees" because once I get to know someone, I consider them a friend. She emailed me asking for support as she loses weight and I said "Sure!" Anyhow, we were discussing that point where you just don't want to do it any more. You lose motivation.

Now I'm a real proponent of using and abusing motivation (Mo) when he's around...but not depending on him. I've said before, think of Mo like that fun friend who is life of the party when he's around, but you can't depend on him to call the morning after. Just when you need him, he's not returning your calls. Know that this is a fault of his and accept that. When Mo is around making you feel GREAT about your weight loss goals, embrace it! Use him! Abuse him! Take FULL advantage of all that he has to offer. But when you wake up one morning and find the pillow next to you cold because Mo's taken a powder, don't mourn that he's gone and stop living your healthy life. Just accept that for now, life is going to have to go on with Mo.

So Mo is starting to fade in her program. Totally typical. At some point that's going to happen. For some it happens really quickly, which is why most "diets" don't last any longer than a month. (It is no accident that magazines tout "Lose 10 pounds in 10 days!" because most of us don't stick with it more than ten days!) For others, he hangs around a bit longer. But ultimately we all have to deal, in EVERY lifestyle change, with that moment when we realize that the honeymoon is over, Mo is gone, and we're left to our own devices to "just do it." At this point we need to figure out (or hopefully BEFORE this point) how to make this such an integrated part of our lifestyle (journaling and exercise) that we just do it without needing to feel good about it.

Often I've likened it to brushing our teeth. I get up every morning and I brush my teeth. I don't get up and think, "Wahoo! I GET to brush my teeth this morning! This is SWEET!!!" and run into the bathroom, grab the toothbrush singing the Hallelujah Chorus and proceed with brushing with gusto. No. I get up, stumble in, grumble a bit, but I brush. Imagine if I had to be "motivated" to brush my teeth. You'd be thankful there isn't "Smello Internet" that's for darn sure!

So I thought about when was I ever motivated to brush my teeth? I'm sure at one point I WAS all "wahoo!!!" about the act of brushing my teeth, and I realized that had to be when I was about 2 or 3 years old and I got to start brushing. (I'm sure parents start it earlier, now, but we were children of the 60s and Fluoride was going to save our lives and our teeth that we didn't brush until we were in school.) That made me think about how I handled moving from motivated to "just do it" and I realized it's almost a similar process.

I'm aware that inside of me are two (maybe three or four) Torys. (Not Tories...that's a completely different thing altogether.) I have my Sensible Adult Tory and my Spoiled Inner Brat. My SIB is about three years old. When I started my weight loss, my SIB came out frequently:

It's not FAIR that I have to journal my food!
I don't wanna! Don't feel like it!
*kick* *scream* But I WANT the cookie!!!
Exercise SUCKS! I don't WANNNNNAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I had to have SAT take SIB in hand and discipline her, just like a parent would do with a child. I think we ALL have a SIB and it's that SIB that often causes us to derail our advances with new habits whether it's weight loss, exercise, or breaking an unhealthy habit.

So I suggested she think back to when she taught her child how to brush his teeth. At first it was fun! We make it into a game when we teach kids new skills that we know they just HAVE to do. After all, it just wouldn't do to be 18 years old and still having mom brush your teeth. The guys in the Frat would probably take exception.

So when we first start our weight loss program it is FUN. We are excited. Journaling is new. "Look at how many points I ate for breakfast! Let's make it into a game. How can I get the most food for my points???" We are so excited about the "newness" of the program that we sail along thinking, "I can do this forever! How come others aren't as smart as I am! Why I'll be one of America's Next Top Models by this time next year!"

Then after awhile, it's not fun any more. And we're hungry. And we're cranky and getting crankier. Just like the kid learning to brush his teeth. "I don't wanna brush my teeth!"

When that happens, does the adult say, "Oh well okay. If you don't want to brush your teeth, you don't have to." No way! Who wants a stinky-breathed kid hanging around? Not to mention, teeth are a Very Good Thing and it would be nice not to have a stinky breathed toothless five year old in tow. So we ENCOURAGE him and we talk it up. "Come on! Big boys brush their teeth! Look! Daddy brushes HIS teeth! (Don't you dear? You did brush your teeth today, right?)" We put up a calendar with stickers. We find some external motivations for him to get him to brush every day. We know at some point he will INTERNALIZE the motivation, and then eventually it will become habit. But we don't quit or allow him to quit just because he's three and he doesn't want to.

So let's take that stance with ourselves when we no longer feel the "Mo". The adult in you has to take over and say "Okay, you're not feeling like it. I get that, but look! There are so many reasons WHY you should do this. Let's make it fun. Let's set up rewards! The final reward will be weight loss, but what can we do in between to make this a positive experience."

Unfortunately at this point what MOST of us do is start berating ourselves, "See you big loser! I knew you couldn't do it! Why even bother!"

This is where we have to STOP! After all, would you say that to your child? "What do you mean you don't want to brush your teeth, you big loser!? See, I knew you were worthless. Shoulda got a dog." Of course not. You'd be encouraging and supportive, and you'd never SHAME the child. Give yourself that same respect.

Now there may come a point where the child gets belligerent, "Nope! Not gonna brush my teeth and you can't MAKE me!" So you might need some firm words. The same thing may happen with your weight loss journey, and again I want you to treat your SIB with RESPECT when you are firm. When you SIB says, "Nope! I'm not going to journal any more. This is just STUPID!" you need to be firm and tell him or her to put on the big girl (or boy) panties (or tightie whities) and just DO IT! But you do it with tough LOVE not tough anger or hatred aimed at your SIB!

So whether you're just starting or you've been at it awhile, plan NOW how you're going to handle it when Mo takes a powder and your SIB starts to act up.

Tory Klementen is a formerly "flabulous", currently fabulous Certified Personal Fitness Professional who has "been there and done that". She has lost and maintained a loss of over 100 pounds since 2002. Her focus is on helping others find their inner-athlete and reaching their goals through true, lasting lifestyle changes in fitness and nutrition. Tory coaches clients both in person and through her personal training website at http://www.journeyfitnessonline.com She gets what it takes to make a decision to change and see that decision through to the end, and she's ready to help YOU reach your goal and get lasting results.