"CAN YOU TEACH SCIENCE?"

I got an interview for a science teacher position with Bangkok Success employment agency in Thailand. The owner of the agency started by asking me how long I plan to stay in Thailand. I said, "A long time because I like Thailand." He asked me what I like about Thailand. I said, "What's to not like about Thailand?" Friendly people. Beautiful, clean nature. Developed transportation system. Flights everywhere. 7-11 on every block. Cold drinks. Fresh fruit."

Then he started asking me science teacher questions. "How do you teach science?" "Well, science is conceptual, so you need vocabulary. But it's also visual. A chemist watches in a test tube. A biologist watches in a microscope. A rocket scientist watches on the pad. Tune into any science channel or nature channel and the presentation is very visual. So I would use videos."

"Suppose you don't have videos."

"Then I would use pictures."

"How would you get the students involved in the lesson. For example, if the lesson is on photosynthesis."

"Well, I would have the students draw an illustration of photosynthesis."

"How would you use competition?"

"I would have the students get into groups. Each student would draw an illustration of photosynthesis. Then they would look at the drawings of the other students in their group, take the best elements of each drawing, and make a group drawing. Then each group would show their drawings to the class and the class would vote on the best drawing."

"How would you test their skills?"

"I would make 2 columns. One for concepts, one for nouns. Have the students match the words in each column."

I've never taught science. I've never been interviewed for a science teacher position. I had no idea what questions he would ask. I was making this up as I went along. But he was pleased with my answers. His preferred candidate was in the States and struggling to book a short notice flight in time to arrive in time for orientation. I was his back-up plan. He called me to tell me his preferred candidate caught a flight and asked me if I was available for other positions.

While I was in Cambodia getting a new Thai tourist visa, he called me at my guest house to inform me that his first choice didn't work out and asked me if I still wanted to teach science. The other foreign teachers at the school where he sent me told me his preferred candidate showed up for orientation, didn't go to lunch with the group, and never returned.

When I arrived at the bus station, the school's foreign affairs officer was not there. No sooner had I moved into the apartment the FAO had arranged for me, the building manager told me to move out. My tourist visa was only 15 days and she refused to submit a resident report to immigration about a resident with such a short visa. At an alternative apartment, the sink didn't have water, the bathroom had multiple chronic leaks, the wifi had reoccurring startup problems, and the door key didn't work.

Meanwhile, neither the apartment nor the building had a washing machine. The day after I moved in, the water went off. The landlord refused to answer the FAO's phone, so I got the agency's teacher supervisor involved. Finally, the FAO used my phone and the landlord answered. She told the FAO that the pipes were under construction. She didn't tell the translator when I moved in and she didn't put a notice on my door.

After 4 days without water, I was finally able to take a shower and shave. Meanwhile, I was told during the interview that coming to Thailand on a 15 day visa was no problem because the agency's visa coordinator could get the paperwork in order in a week or two and I could zip up to Laos and back (this school is on the border). Not so. The visa coordinator told me I would have to get a 60 day tourist visa at the Thai consulate in Laos, then return for a work visa when the paperwork was ready. I estimate the cost of two Lao visas, a Thai tourist visa, and a Thai work visa, plus transportation and lodging, at about 7500 baht.

So maybe I should have seen it coming.

The agency owner told me I would be teaching life science and that the agency's other science teacher at the school would be teaching physical science. Turns out the chairman of the science department expected me to teach general science. According to the textbook chapter order the Thai science teachers gave me, general science turned out to be mostly physical science. And the full range of physical sciences - physics, chemistry, electricity, geology, weather, global ecosytem, astronomy, space exploration. Plus nutrition, drug addiction, and even sex education.

They wanted me to use three textbooks and teach three different lessons per week to 7th, 8th, and 9th graders. And they had a prearranged order for the chapters. So one week, I would teach three different physics lessons to 7th graders, three different chemistry lessons to 8th graders, and three different electricity lessons to 9th graders. The next week, I would teach astronomy to 7th graders, geology to 8th graders, and ecosystem to 9th graders. The 3rd week, weather to 7th graders, space exploration to 8th graders, and nutrition to 9th graders.

I was expected to plan the lessons, build or Google the teaching tools, and write the exams. And make every lesson useful and interesting and fun. All this on a week's notice. So my lesson planning had multiplied nine times and the paperwork I was supposed to submit to the agency's curriculum director had multiplied nine times as well.

Even for someone who majored in general science or majored in education, such a feat was just not even logistically realistic without living at the office. I'm qualified to teach algebra and have taught algebra in Thailand successfully more than once (and aced algebra in college.) But I'm not qualified to teach calculus. I've never taken a calculus course and calculus is a completely different math field than algebra.

In the same way, I can teach life science, but I'm really not qualified to teach physical science. I don't have a strong science background and don't have any experience teaching science, but I have a lot of teaching experience and a lot of curriculum development experience and a natural aptitude for and strong interest in life science. But physical science is another realm, just as algebra and calculus are drastically different. So I told the agency owner there was no sense in even attempting to accomplish all this.

He decided to replace me. He didn't even bother to inform me. When I got back from my visa run to Laos, I called the school's FAO to tell her I needed my class schedule. She said, "The agency owner is sending the school another teacher to replace you and told me to tell you to return to the agency's headquarters. Never mind that the agency's headquarters is in Bangkok, a 12-hour drive, and that I had already paid for a month's rent.

While I was in Cambodia, I had three job offers from China. One was for teaching college students and the school offered to pay for the flight, the tourist and work visas, and the visa run to Hong Kong to change the tourist visa to a work visa. Another offered to process the paperwork and mail it to me so I could get a work visa from the Chinese embassy in Thailand. Another was from a school in the business district of Guangzhou, which is just two hours by express train to Hong Kong - and the school is in the same district as the train station. The third school was willing to let me teach kindergarten even though most kindergartens prefer younger, female teachers. All of these schools paid exceptionally well. And all of them wanted me to arrive immediately.

I turned down all these offers in favor of gaining experience teaching science. These bridges have been burned. The jobs have been taken by other candidates. And so has my science teaching job.

Since then, Bangkok Success has been constantly running large box ads on Ajarn.com. Which means they are growing, which means the owner is making lots of money.